I've been dealing with some anger issues of late in regard to some people who owe me rather large sums of money and who seem to think it's okay to let me wait. It's a resentment that's been under the surface. I certainly wasn't telling anyone that what lay beneath my sweet veneer was a growing rage at the unfairness that these people never put me at the top of the list when it came to paying their debts. If I didn't talk about it, kept it to myself, surely it didn't make that much difference, did it?
This past Sunday I got the answer to that question. (I continue to tell people-don't ask the question if you don't want an answer!) I had my tithe and offering all ready to put in the offering plate, and as usual was giving it a blessing when the scripture was read--"So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5.23-24)
I am NOT a Bible scholar. In fact, when it comes to sacred text, I tend to look anywhere but the Bible. Yet, here I sat with my tithe ready to give, holding a resentment against ones who are my brothers for their failure to pay me what they owe. I had to leave the sanctuary before the offering plate was passed.
I sat alone waiting for the service to be over contemplating what had just happened. Not that there is no merit in my tithing. But can I honestly say I am giving to Spirit with a cheerful heart if I am holding a grudge against another who owes me money? Who is it that provides my prosperity? Apparently I'd been holding those others responsible for my lack of prosperity. But if the Universe is what provides everything for me, then I have no need of their payment. Could it be that by holding resentments against these others that I've also been denying myself unlimited prosperity?
Oh, wow-talk about your humbling experiences. After quite a lot of self-examination and becoming willing to forgive those who I'd felt owed me, I was able to make my offering. It was a unique experience as I gave that offering. There was a freedom and joy added I'd not had before, and an affirmation that those others against whom I've held resentment are doing the best they can do also.
We can work the Universal laws and principles 24/7 and get tremendous positive results. However, when we hold grudges, we bind ourselves to others and those bindings keep us from realizing the unlimited supply and support available when we free the other from what we perceive as a debt. When we fail to forgive, or to at least become willing to forgive, our gratitude has little depth, and therefore our results are only lukewarm.
I'm grateful today for the experience I had. Yes, it was humbling. But today I am free as I make my offerings to an abundant Universe that provides bountifully for me.
Namaste!
